A Children's Story About a Pirate
He was an angry gentleman who smoked a pipe.
When he wasn't pillaging ships or taking captives and forcing them to dance the electric slide, he sat around contemplating life.
One day, while shooting at tiny air-krakens that seemed to infest his ship, he realized something. "Maybe," he said, "the life of an airship pirate is not the life for me. Perhaps, I should be a hatmaker! That's it! Habedashery! A nice safe, sane business."
So he did. He became a habedasher. And after one week, he went insane. He let his hair go down. He drank tea.
This was not good. His crew found him and gave him a bottle of solution to restore his mind. He drank away fiercely.
And before they knew it, they had their regular, sane captain back.
In his week of habedashey, he discovered a method of time traveling. He decided to build a Chronos Inflexus.
So he did, but due to a lack of a neo-shoopy engine, it wouldn't function correctly. "By jove, I have an idea!" he proclaimed.
It worked! Even though he lacked a neo-shoopy engine, he still somehow made it to the future. And there he resides, blending in with the commonfolk and chatting on the etherwebs.